Friday, September 2, 2011

Life's Winding Road

When I started my blogs, it was with the intent to use them as a diversion, a get-away from what has been happening in my life. To enjoy sharing some hopefully fun things with all of you, but as time has gone on, I've had more of my personal time diverted to necessary things, and actually found more pleasure in reading others blogs, and responding. You all have provided an even greater get-away for me!

I didn't share what was happening here, because. . . oh, right now, I don't even know why, except that I didn't want to have to dwell on our problems, and writing them out seems to make them even more real, staring me in the face.  When I don't see them written down, then I just do what has to be done, and don't really think about it.

But, I've been torn. .out of respect for everyone who has been so loyal in sticking around here, since I'm gone so much, and with a recent development, I feel like it is time to share.

As some of you know, my dear Hubs as been battling prostate cancer for 13 years now.  When it was discovered that he had cancer, it was in such an advanced stage, that the doctors at Mayo Clinic, in Rochester, MN, recommended that he have it removed immediately, which he did.  And he was clean for a couple of years, before those stubborn nasty cells that can morph into different forms, reared their ugly heads again.  Ever since then, every few months we make our journey westward again for him to get more treatments, more surgery. .whatever new procedures that they have come up with in the interim. And while he will never be cured, he is of the new breed of people living with cancer.  The doctors have done a wonderful job of keeping it contained, and not letting it get a foothold in other organs, his bloodstream or into his bones. He has yet to have the chemo drugs that can severely impact a person's quality of life, so that part is wonderful! His panel of Urologists and Oncologists are keeping those options ready, should he ever need them.  They have alluded from time to time, that this aggressive form will eventually spread, but my Hubs seems to have missed those comments, which is just as well.

The reason that he hasn't comprehended the full impact, is that two years ago, he was diagnosed with early stage Lewy Body Disease.  I'm still on the fence about this diagnosis. .oh, it is obvious that he is having problems with short term memory and comprehension, and that has gotten a little worse over the past two years, and he goes through periods of falling more, but he hasn't exhibited other classic signs of the disease.  The Neurologist told me that although this form of dementia is the second most prevalent form, little is known about it.  He could plateau at any time, for however long, and may stay at the level, or suddenly take a drop in function. He could exhibit some of the signs, and may not have others, at all!  They wanted to get him into a study, and at first, he agreed, but then, at the same time, he had to have some extra procedures done to get rid of some more cancer, and was overcome with being poked and prodded, so he backed out. But, we're going to have be addressing this illness again soon.  

Now, while all of this has been going on, my Mom, who is a widow, as been increasing in age (she will be 88 in January), and declining overall, in health. Being an only child, it has come to me, to be her primary care-giver.  She has insisted on living in her own home, so I have been going over there every day or so, to make sure that everything is in order. I take care of her financial responsibilities, transporting her to appointments and doing her shopping.

I've tried my best to just go with the flow, but I've always internalized everything, thinking if I keep it together on the outside, then stresses will slough off. .not so. .almost a year ago, I got the "official" verdict as to all of the aches and pains that I've had for years. Fibromyalgia.  Bad enough on its own, major flares brought on by stress make episodes even worse. And no, none of the drugs have helped, with me getting some rather nasty side affects.  Hence, my mini get-aways, blog hopping, just to relax and have some fun.

But last Saturday, my Mom called me early in the morning, unable to move her right side.  She is still in the hospital, and is going to be moved to the physical rehab facility either today or tomorrow, to see how far she can come back from the affects of her stroke. Needless to say, most of my time this past week, has been spent at the hospital, or running errands for her.  I spoke with the coordinator yesterday, and she said that their intent was to get my Mom back into the best that she can be, with the intent of her living with continuous family support.  In other words, she can't live alone any longer. 

So far, I've managed to keep my Hub's appointments and trips to Rochester in synchronization with my Mom's needs, but that may be coming to a head very soon, since his Oncologists may want to see him this month.

I don't know where this turn in our road will take us, but I'm determined to make all of the curves.  And I do miss commenting on the blogs that I love to follow, but do read them whenever I get the chance. .hopefully one of these days, I'll have some time to catch up!  But I think you all, more than you will ever know, for the bright spots in my days, for making me laugh, think, and even share some of your down times too. It reminds me that everyone has problems in their lives too, and I'm not the only one who has to deal with sadness or stresses.

And thank you all for hanging in here with me!  I do have some things sitting here for some Give-Aways, so hopefully, I'll at least get those posted, and get some good, fun, positive energy flowing here again!

I do have the weather to look forward to this weekend. . the temps are supposed to get down into the low 50's at night, and the high's in the upper 60's! Yippee!!! I do love Autumn!! 

Wishing you all a fantastic Labor Day Weekend!


  1. You and your family are walking a hard and rocky road indeed. And you being the caretaker and support have an especially difficult position. May you have strength, peace and serenity to help you through it. Hugs to you, Suzie!

  2. Wow, you have more on your plate than is fair.
    I'm so sorry that you have to bear this heavy weight all by yourself. I'm wishing some fun and happiness to come your way. Funny, but I was just thinking about you last night as I was trying to catch up on some blog reading, wondering how you and yours were doing. I send love and positive energy. I only wish I could take away your own pain and suffering.
    You are in my thoughts.
    XOXO - Cindi

  3. I'm wrapping you up in a BIG Aussie hug!

  4. I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through so much! I'm sending some good thoughts your way. Stay positive and I look forward to your blog posts when you have time again!

  5. This is an awful lot for one person to shoulder. I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your family are dealing with, and I hope that you have someone to help support "you" as you struggle through this. I can relate to the Fibromyalgia as I also have it. Bright Blessings of Love and Light to all of you.

  6. It doesn't matter whether you leave a comment every week or once every six months! We are your friends and that is all that matters.

  7. My heart goes out to you Suzie. {{HUGS}} I have found that Life's burdens are best shared. Even if those who are close to us can't be there in physical presence to help out, knowing that others are there in thought and spirit can be HUGE in helping one cope with day to day stresses. Please don't try to tackle all of this on your own - there should be some sorts of community groups that can offer help in getting to and from appointments or even helping out with daily activities like errands and household chores. I really do wish I lived closer to you so that I could help out. You are such a dear friend, that my heart aches for you! You are always in my thoughts and my heart and I'm sending a tremendous amount of good energy your way! {{HUGS}}

  8. Nothing I can really add to the comments above but I will add my own HUGS to the mix

  9. {{{hugs}}} I took a month off from reading blogs and am now catching up. Might take me the rest of the day. Hang in there and remember you have to take care of yourself.


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